The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
How's work?
Spinning.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
