what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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