defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
