wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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