He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
