If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
