I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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