so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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