i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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