Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Someone shit on the floor
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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