I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
