It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
barbara walters just said penis...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
