She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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