this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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