i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
