she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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