I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
