I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
