3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
