Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
