I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
