just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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