How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
my poor anus
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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