Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
