Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
