i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
