our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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