i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
