is your mom at the bar?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
