You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
