i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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