Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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