I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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