now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
