Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
