I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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