...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
