Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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