i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
