She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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