take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I forget how to act sober
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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