Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
