You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Boobs speak an international language.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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