I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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