there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize