i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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