Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
