We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
