She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
