he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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