okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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