just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
