Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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