dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
