No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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