His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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