Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
