Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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