i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize