peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
