Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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