So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
