One girl and one boy is just not enough.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
