Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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