There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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