Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
