I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My liver just had a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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