I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
