I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
