we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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