I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
