and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
