I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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